Loud

I thought I could sit in the peace and stillness of the morning with my cup of coffee and the beauty of my garden, but alas, the music in the basement has begun and the noise begins its escalation to the heights of the trees where it will remain throughout the day and continue into the late night hours.

I used to enjoy this cacophony, this modal harmony of the minds of young artists finding their voices in a sea of notes and rhythms.  Now I just want some peace.  Is this old age?  I don’t want to hear the dissonant notes, the practice songs, the scales, the vocal techniques repeated over and over again till perfection is reached.

I just want harmony in life now.  And protection for my overworked ears. I have stood in front of booming amplifiers most of my life, the Marshall stacks and the Fender Super Reverbs.  The bigger the better, we would say.  “My amp goes to eleven”!

Now I am horrified to hear the dreaded words of my youth coming out of my very own mouth.  “Can you PLEASE turn it down”?!  Horrors!  I have become an adult!

After scaring myself back to my youth where I lived in a perpetual state of loud, I fast forward through the sounds of drums, guitars, bass amps, horn sections, Hammond organs and Jimmy Paige vocals to today, where my son and his band prepare for a gig later this evening.  It is 10AM, an unheard of hour for band practice.

How can they call themselves musicians?  They should still be in bed.  But alas, we live in a town of poets and writers, architects and artists, a quiet contemplative place where people search for their souls in words, Froebel blocks and paint, not steel strings, drum skins and high frequency wattages.

A farm on forty acres is where we need to be – me in the farmhouse overlooking the trees and vegetation I have come to love, to balance the old rock star of youth – and the boys, in a barn way down in the valley, where they can serenade the birds and crickets. 

It’s a balance nowadays between the noise of my youth and the quiet I now covet.  In the pause between the pendulum clicks of the metronome is where the music expands, the liminality of what was and what is.  That is the place I like to play in now.  I can still hear the music here; believe me.  It will live in me forever.  Like Kiki Dee once sang, I Got the Music in Me.  So Please.  Turn that music down.

Spring "Soulstice" - food for the soul!

As a group of amazing women and I get ready to hold our Spring Soulstice event in Forest Park on March 22, I came across an article I shared on my website some time ago and it seemed relevant to what is coming up.  We use Goddess archetypes and their attributes to help us in our everyday lives.  It is fun to learn about the many goddesses and what made them special and then decide which parts of them we would like to embody in our own lives.  Please join us by clicking here!

How to be a Goddess  

By Anita Revel

There are many faces modern women present to the world. In the space of one day, you can be the professional at work, partner and career at home, and fun-lover with friends. No matter what the situation, women need to draw on a wide range of resources to keep it all together. Tapping into goddess energy is one way to ensure you get through each day with your integrity intact.

SELF PRESERVATION. Being goddess is about being in tune with oneself, being able to recognize threatening situations and respond rationally and calmly. Trust your instinct and act with confidence. Be conscious of the influence of others’ moods and needs and stay balanced in times of duress. Manifest security and a dynamic presence by keeping your feet firmly on the ground, literally.

SELF GRATIFICATION. Creatively, emotionally and sexually, connect with others through feeling, desire, sensation and movement. Learn to accept change gracefully and don’t be afraid to let your depth of feelings show. In addition, a poverty consciousness will only serve to deny what you deserve. Abundance is good, (greed is not), whether it be material, esoteric, emotional or otherwise. Ask for what you want and deserve, and providing it’s not for selfish reasons, give yourself permission to receive it.

SELF DEFINITION. Being goddess is more than just alabaster skin and an Elle McPherson body. Apart from round abdomens and swinging breasts, common attributes of ancient goddesses include uncompromising strength, compassion and justice. Spend time working out who you are, who you want to be, and then honoring the true you in the image you present to everyone you meet. Write your own eulogy then circle the five most important elements that you would want people to remember you by. Then, live according to those attributes to make them a habit.

SELF ACCEPTANCE. If you don’t love yourself, then don’t expect others too either. If you let others treat you badly, you are telling your inner psyche that you do not deserve better. The modern goddess gal never, ever allows herself to accept second best. Rally your personal power and self-respect and learn to say words like “No” and “Enough.” Most importantly, mean what you say! On the other side of the coin, give compliments freely, for if ‘what goes around comes around’ you will soon enjoy receiving plenty in return.

SELF EXPRESSION. What you say is what you get. Expressions like, “I’ll never be able to get over this obstacle,” will manifest in exactly the way you describe. Instead of confronting and overcoming your fears, you will remain stagnant, bashing your head against the brick wall you say can’t be knocked down. Change your speech habits to dispel negatives and embrace positives. Say “I can do it,” and next thing you know, you’ll be leaping brick walls in a single bound.

SELF REFLECTION. Get over petty issues and open your vision to see the Big Picture. If you are absorbed in trivial worries, they are most likely a distraction mechanism to keep you from what it is you really need. If you had three months left to live, would you really care about your shade of lipstick, upgrading your mobile phone, or getting the best table at the hottest restaurant in town? It’s up to you to prioritize what the important things really are. Make a list of your dreams for the next week, year, and/or decade. Circle one thing on each list and commit to make it happen, one step at a time.

SELF KNOWLEDGE. See yourself as a minute organism in the ways of the world, both in the physical and non-physical planes, in the present and the future. Disconnecting with the world every now and then can be healthy if it lets you travel to a spaceless, timeless place of knowledge, wisdom, understanding and spiritual connection. To revitalize flagging energy levels, practice yoga and meditation when possible. Time poor? Take the phone off the hook and power-rest for five minutes – this time-out for self can be just as refreshing.

Life is a Series of Deaths

Life is a series of deaths with a little laughter thrown in along the way.   We die a little at each crossroad, learn to walk again, live to laugh about that last intersection and then there you are at that damn stop sign again.  Wondering – I turned left last time – which way looks good this go round?

You hear I didn’t say safe.  I said interesting.  Death of the old is never safe.  Interesting?  Yes.  Damn interesting and damn funny in retrospect.   We shift a little to the left, then we shift a little to the right.  And with each shift, each change, each death, we gain in knowledge of our own divine.  We get closer to the true purpose of our lives.

Is it the life we decide for ourselves?  Maybe so.  Maybe not.  But if we listen, if we can quiet ourselves during the troubled times, during each one of these “deaths”, we will just “know” what is right for us; which is the right path.  If it is not the right path, it will never feel right.  Or we will wake up at a crossroads again with that feeling of AGAIN?!?!?!?  I have done this before, an unraveling of the status quo in order to see the light within.

Resisting the exhaustion of the death results in more exhaustion.  Can I give myself more than 5 days to rejuvenate, replenish, rebirth?  I think so.  No matter what I try, how much I push myself, my body has shut down in order to rest during the re birthing process.  No matter how much I beat myself up about getting a move on to the next greatest thing (as asked by my son…); no matter how much I try to get my brain wrapped around the great ideas that came up prior to my “death”, my brain (which is as stubborn as the rest of me) has shut down.  Nothing seems important. 

This in itself drives me crazy.  How can I NOT be excited about all the great ideas that showed up last month?  I was SO excited, so looking forward to jumping into my next incarnation.  BUT…..right at this very moment, nothing is all that exciting to me.  Everything can wait.  I need to just sit, relax, rest.  This break has been a long time coming.  The next greatest thing can wait a bit more.  Actually, it HAS.  It won’t let me jump in.  I am numb to pretty much everything.  So, I need to be okay with that.  I know, I know, I know, it will all come to me when the time is ripe.  It always does!  And no matter how much I push it, it will not move until I am ready to move with it.  I know this.  Yet, I come to this place time and time again. 

I go back to an old post about the liminal stage last spring.  A time of transition when we stand “betwixt and between” one state and another. Kind of like on a fence, although you aren't trying to make the decision as to which way to step. It kind of does it for you. Awkward, yes. The state of neutrality/ ambiguity until we reach full consciousness of the next place, the next stage, whatever you wish to call it. But I am okay with it. Probably because I am so exhausted, I can't fight it or push it where I'd like anyway.  

Only this time, I understand this.  So when those anxious thoughts pop in, I know to let them pass.  I just thought this morning, for the umpteenth time I woke up at 4 or 5am and could not go back to sleep, that, Wow, look how much I could get done before the rest of the house wakes up.  Here I go again, pushing.  And here I am again, at only 6:30pm, exhausted.

So, please, my dearest soul, take a chill pill, enjoy this rest.  You are revving up for some unbelievable events.  Let the flower bud grow, and then petal by petal, unfold into the new blossom of you!

Funny Times Ahead!

So four of us have decided to create a performance group, kind of a spoken word type of group. And word has it we will take it to the streets, so to speak, and do live performances. I really don't have an issue with this as I have performed most of my life, some in ways I would like NOT to remember!

What is interesting is there are four views on each topic. We all put ideas in a hat and have chosen (from that hat), which topics we will address. One word - four voices. And in a way, we have begun learning about one another. It seems that my life is a tragic one, full of bad mothers and abusive fathers. While I can laugh at all the "tragedies" now, it wasn't always that way. I survived, have lived to tell the next tale, and have made lemonade out of the lemons that were tossed into my cook pot.

It has also made me think about how those stories created themselves and more so, about those that affected them. Yes, we can all say we had terrible upbringings, full of dysfunction and drama. But if you look deeply at the people whom you'd like to blame for that dysfunction, you will also see the sadness and tragedy that formed their lives and souls.

Of course, there are some people who are just evil and brought to this earth to mess up those closest and dearest to them. I lived with one. But can I be so cliche to say that she helped make me the person I am now, more soulful, more compassionate of those closest to me? I think I can. So I can say a thank you now. The difficulties have passed. I can laugh at them. I can also cry at them still. And they continue to shape my ever changing being.

Green and the Heart Chakra

Valentine's Day is upon us. People usually associate the holiday with the color red. And while red is a color associated with the Heart Chakra, so is green. Green is the color we associate with the Heart Chakra. Remember "green with envy"? When the energy of the heart is out of balance, the color green almost seems to 'harden'. When the heart is in balance the following qualities come out in a person. • Is a very talkative soul. • Open and friendly nature. • They need to feel happy about things rather than own things. • They are very aware of their conscience, so tend to be honest and trustworthy. • Often need to talk about what's bothering them - to try and make sense of it themselves. • Physically express themselves, their emotions and feelings can flow. • Tend to be very quick minded, and are good problem solvers. When the heart chakra is out of balance, a person may have the following behaviors. • May be quite controlling and resistant to change around them. • May lose heart and faith in relationships and situations, becoming very lethargic. • May withdraw from people if they have been out of balance for some time or deeply disillusioned in the past and find it hard to open their heart again and trust. • If they don’t find a strong love connection they can turn to a love for success and wealth instead, seeming to others self centered and mean. Green is often referred to as a healing color, it is also a color of growth and expansion. Because of its' association to Mother Nature it is of course organic and wholesome too. So put on some green for Valentine's Day this year and enjoy!