Another Day in the Life of an Aging Woman!

I was at the dentist yesterday.  It seems that the enamel is wearing off of my teeth.  It is not due to lack of dental hygiene.  That is excellent.  Too excellent!  Am I brushing my gums and enamel right off?  Obsessive compulsive behavior of the teeth?  Okay, come on back down to reality, lady.

It is just another sign of aging.  Gums receding and that leads to exposure of softer enamel which lead to corrosion and exposure of roots....blah, blah, blah....  Roman (my dentist - whom I've known since he was in dental school with my sister's then boyfriend) said liken it to having a tree cut down with a hatchet.  I guess one day I would wake up and my tooth would fall over.  Timber!!!!  And probably while I was in an important meeting.  I would make an important point and my tooth would fly out of my mouth.

I have no idea what it means or how to deal with it.  I just followed Roman's orders and made an appointment.  He came at me with the needle and I'm like, "Hey, what is THAT for?"  He said I might want to numb the area since there was not much in between me and my tooth roots.  He could try to be careful and not numb me....  No thanks.  I am done being tough.  Dumb ass me finally realizes that I DON'T have to deal with the pain to show the world how tough of a woman I am.  (What were we ladies thinking back then when we choose no meds for our babys' deliveries????)

So he numbed me on one side of my mouth and then proceeded to chat with me while it was taking affect.  Have you ever tried to talk with only half your mouth?  For me, Miss Big Mouth, I need my full mouth to get my points across.  He gave me tissues to take with after it was all over just in case I drooled.

It only got numbier (is that a word?) as I drove home.  I started singing some songs that will be included in a performance next month (www.shecomesundone.com) and caught myself in the mirror singing with half a mouth.  I was horrified at the sight of a dragging left side and slurred words.  It's a wonder I didn't get pulled over for looking like a drunk driver!

Then later, eating dinner was a drag.  I couldn't friggin' chew.  Food was falling out of my mouth and my tongue wouldn't work.  My son thought I was hilarious as he watched me struggle.  I kept thinking of the years of me doing therapy programming at senior and rehab centers, where people struggled daily with strokes and other disabilities.  I had become old in that moment.  Someday I would need my son to wipe my mouth.  That stopped his laughter flat!

I bit the inside of my lip.  No pain.  I will feel that later I said.  So I took a nap.  Isn't that what aging folk do?  It took all my strength just to chew salmon!

Came to the conclusion today that I will fight this thing they call age.  Of course, with grace and dignity.  All kidding aside, I respect and admire all those who have gone before me.  They look and feel great and have a great attitude.  I will too.  After I stop complaining and whining.... and napping.

The Light at the Crossroads

As I was choosing the goddess of the month for my website, the first name that came to mind was Hecate and I knew she was the one. Funny again how the right thing presents itself when it is the right time for you. What do they say? The teacher is always present. You just have to keep your eyes open.

I hadn’t done a great deal of research on her in the past as I had with the other goddesses I have profiled. Yet her name just popped into my head. I went back to notes I had on her from books I have read and some web research. It was as if the heavens spoke to me from a place deep within.

Hecate is the goddess of the crossroads. In Greek lore, her statue used to be found at important junctures or major forks in the road. She has three faces which gives her the ability to see in three directions, past, present, future; it can be looked at as waxing, waning and full moon. In other stories she is the face of one of the triple goddesses - maiden, mother and crone. Hecate is crone. She helps us make transitions and new beginnings, especially ones that were not planned. As a magical goddess at home in the spirit world, she helps keep us in touch with our spiritual selves.

Usually classified as a "moon goddess", her kingdoms were actually three-fold . . . the earth, sea, and sky. Because she represents the crone phase, she walked during the dark phase of the moon, and was described as shining or luminous.

A person I once knew always told me I shined, that I was his hero; that I was wise for my years. He always was able to see qualities that I couldn’t at the time. Wisdom comes in all forms, at all ages. If he saw Hecate in me, I truly feel blessed. An angel therapy practitioner has told me that if you pray and meditate on the qualities of a goddess, you will take on those qualities yourself in time. I believe that.

So I find myself here again, at a crossroads. This time it is good and desired. We all come to crossroads many times in our lives. Should I leave my job for this one? Should I stay in this relationship? Menopause and illness, for example all leave us with change that needs to be dealt with, understood. It is a time for looking back at where we came from.

I was just looking through some old journals today and am amazed at where I have been. Some of it brought tears again, but it still amazes me how much I have grown up. I have filled in old ruts that used to derail me time and time again. This is good even though filling them in required every ounce of courage and strength I had. Crossroads, change, it is all the same if you ask me. New beginnings, whether spiritual or mundane, aren't always easy. How many times have we heard that? If it was easy, it would bore us and we wouldn’t bother. It is those very excruciating times that force us to go one way or another whether we like it or not.

The Greek goddess Hecate reminds us of the importance of change, helping us to release the past, especially those things that are hindering our growth, and to accept change and transitions. She is the goddess at the threshholds of major transitions - the inner midwife who aids us when we birth new aspects of ourselves.  She sometimes asks us to let go of what is familiar, safe, and secure and to travel to the scary places of the soul. Aint’ that the truth!

So I think of Hecate as I look forward at this crossroad to see what lies deeply forgotten or even hidden in my path. She reminds us that we are in that liminal stage, the stage of inbetween.  Patience is required.  I will invite her to shine her torch and guide me in my dreams, my meditations, and my life.

This Garment is Wearing Well

This Garment is Wearing Well
An automatic writing piece from a meditation

Put back together what has come undone. The seams have opened before, you sewed them again. Then with wear and tear they opened again in a different place. And you sewed it back together again. Each time the seams get stronger.

The garment is not wearing out, it is wearing well. Each stitch uses a stronger yarn. This garment is fitting you better and better over the years. It has also gotten large enough for others to join you as they find their way.

The life you are stitching together is a piecemeal coat of wonderfulness. You world is under construction – again. But you are not alone and the garment, the life garment you are constructing will fit all in need; all those who are behind you. Light the way so they will walk easier, through a well-worn path with trees that reach out to each person at each juncture, each crossroad.

It is your path; it is their path. Their path is created from yours and will all become universal as one journey of many souls.