Moments of Clarity

A moment of clarity.  Ahhhh.  Aren't they wonderful?  Ever have one?  Or two?  I was blessed this past weekend with one that was so strong, it felt as if the world just opened up and color and sound were brighter and crisper.  For just a moment.   Sometimes that's all we have - a moment.  And many times our eyes are closed and we lose that gift that the universe is giving us.

I went to an Akashic Records workshop with Linda Howe this past weekend.  This woman is amazing, that's all I have to say on that.  Amazing.  And the work we did gifted me some amazing things.

I was driving home from the workshop and headed to a rehearsal after a really crazy and busy weekend.  As I turned the corner I saw a man in his car and he was bopping his head to music in a way that fascinated me.  It was different.  And then I turned my head the other direction and saw a woman walking down the street and her head was bopping in the same way as the mans.  I couldn't see if she had headphones on but she was grooving!  And I had to laugh.  A sign for a musician - me.  It felt good. 

The clarity of purpose, direction, reason, that came after the "bopping" was amazing.  For a short moment, everything was clear.  My path became clear.  Of course, the directions to go on that path were not revealed (darn it!).  All in good time, all in good time.

Another wise woman I know, Nancy Gerenstein, a life coach, said to me, "when you look for clarifying things, they appear just as when we anticipate problems, they appear."  Choosing the positive as opposed to the negative.....hmmmmm......haven't we heard that before again and again and again???

Clear your way is what Linda said to me.  Let go of the past as it just clogs up your vision and path.  Nothing new, right?  For me, the past always calls me back when it is time to move forward.  It says, "Hey, remember me?  Let's do this!  Let's go back and try this again."  And it gives me opportunities to go back and revisit things that were left behind for a reason.

Each time I revisit those "opportunities", I am tempted, but realize in the end that they are dead ends that take me back, not forward.  So I thank them, and move on.  They have molded me and will always be a part of me.

The winds have changed.  They are warm and blowing me to something new.  Can't wait.

Now it's the Memory! Geesh!

Last night I pulled a really senior moment out of my bag of tricks.  It's inevitable that the memory fades each passing year.  When I was working as a DJ for Stuart Anderson's Cattle Company Restaurants (there's a blast from the past for ya!), I could name any song, any artist, the year the song was recorded, and all the other songs on the "album" that was spun on the two turntables in my booth.  We were also able to play music videos on our VHS player. (Hey, does anyone remember the old Betamax players?? I used to sell them at my part time video store job - where people would actually BUY videos!  They were $600 at the time (not saying the year here...).

So now I can't remember dates let alone song titles, lyrics, and forget about artists' names.  You can hear me grunting to my husband, "remember that song, it goes like, you know, by that guy, about that thing?  You know!"  And not even he can read my mind anymore as he used to.  Sometimes all I give him is, "you know, that place we go with those people!"  "You'll have to give me a bit more information this time", he now answers me.

What! My vague ramblings aren't enough now?  They worked before!  I think. And so it goes.  So last night we went to have a drink and quick snack before we were going to Fitzgerald's to check out the space for my event next month (http://www.shecomesundone.com/).  Jenna was meeting us at the restaurant and we were going to drive together.  Then my husband got the call.

He answered and said, "Oh, hi, Jamie! What's up?"  At that moment I sucked in my breath in a huge gasp and said, "Oh, shit!!!!"  There were six other people waiting at Jamie's house for dinner and she was just wondering where we might be at.  Apparently I didn't tell my hubby either.  I thought I did.  I really think I did.

Earlier that day, I was at work and as I always do, I was multi tasking, working on 3 different projects while selling bras and talking with customers.  I looked at my Filofax (did I just type that?  Does anyone even use these things anymore??) many times that day and saw the dinner date written (at least this time I actually entered it into the calender).

For some reason, my brain was not cooperating with itself yesterday.  Aw, who the heck am I kidding?  Just yesterday?  How about all the time!  I remember years ago being able to remember appointments, birthdays, everything! without having to write it down.  I also remembered my childrens' and husbands appointments as well!

When my ma got older, her "age thingee" was her purse.  "Where is my purse?  Who's got my purse?  Is my purse here?" was all we ever heard.  For me, it's my keys.  "Where are my keys?  Where did I put them?  I always leave them here!  Who took them?"

I have solidly become my mother, something that I fought and prayed and begged the heavens not to have happen. But it has.  And my children remind me of that ALWAYS as they tell me I am getting closer to being "put out on the ice".  Well, at least I still know what my keys are used for, right?

So for anyone desiring my presence at their events, please invite me, put it in my Filofax, my Outlook calendar, my calendar hanging on the fridge and remind me the day before, the day of, and an hour before.  Is that too much to ask?

Oh, and also, please pick me up because I can't find my keys to the car.

Another Day in the Life of an Aging Woman - The Sequel

I found a grey eyelash today.  I had to nearly smash my nose up against the mirror to confirm my discovery.  Then I feverishly tried to cover it with mascara but that silver sheen kept popping through the black I loaded onto it.

That’s not to say that I haven’t found silver hairs poking out of other more discreet places.  They actually sell dye for that unmentionable place – in an array of colors.   But I’m not diving to those depths of conversation as much as I might like today.

Oh, I’ve been battling the silver head hairs for years now.   But they are gaining on me and pop through the hair color quicker.  Okay, I know.  They don’t pop out of anywhere.  It just means my hair is growing faster than the cost effectiveness of the dye job.  Okay, okay, I should be happy for that.  The last five years have seen my hair diminish to the point that baby barrettes were not holding the whole kit and caboodle together.  I was the perfect candidate for hair club for men and don’t think I didn’t do some web research on hair replacement therapies.

So, I am really happy that my hair has come back and is growing again.  Yet, I don’t get to fully appreciate the beautiful job Usama does on my hair for very long.  I don’t understand why we can’t just pay for the two inches at the roots dye job every few months.  The middle and bottom parts of my hair are just fine.  It’s just that nagging silver raccoon tail running up the middle of any part I put in my hair that pisses me off!

The one aging “perk” that I would enjoy is the slowing of hair growth on my legs and underarms.  I have aunts who say they haven’t shaved in 30 years.  And why can’t the hair on my legs go grey?  It would diminish the frequency of shaving (i.e. It wouldn't show unless you got close up to my legs.) And I don’t see anyone getting that close to my legs any time soon.  My husband can’t see that close anymore so it doesn’t matter to him.  And with the silver popping up everywhere, I don’t feel so sexy anymore so you won’t see me sashaying up to some handsome man and saying, “Hey baby, what’s your sign?”

old grey mare

Couple that with the numbed up half of my mouth day at the dentist the other day and the subsequent drooling afterwards, and all I will see are the guys back ends as they run for the hills.  Which I can now see since I have gotten my new glasses.

Men look so sexy with their graying temples.  The silver streaks through their heads perfectly like it was done in the salon.  Women end up looking like the old grey mare. Then again, guys DO start growing hair EVERYWHERE ELSE other than on their heads.  So I guess justice is poetic at times…

I don’t know what I would rather have happen – these gradual “oh, my lord” moments like today, or waking up one morning to the new and fully aged me.  If I survived the heart attack that discovery would bring, then I could concentrate on acceptance and continue the rest of the process gracefully.  And pray God still likes me during the long and arduous road trip through sags, bags and wrinkles.

Nah.  The only prayer I am hearing right now is “Get Thee to the Salon.”  Amen to that!