Wednesday, October 19, 2011

All is Done....And All is New

Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity. -- T.S. Eliot

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.  -- T.S. Eliot

My personal meditation on the decision to transform Baubo’s Garden
It is done. It is complete. You are safe, sound, whole, alive. A weight has been lifted. You are warm and whole again.

So, begin again. Goddesses rejoice. Hear their laughter as they surround you. Lead the way to your destiny, your fate. Abundance, laughter, joy, rapture. Feel it. Be it. Be one. Let life flow beside you. Drift in peace knowing you are okay.

Using metaphors for life, change was the long difficult pregnancy. I labored and labored and birthed the new model of me. I persevered till the end, and the beginning. I have been set free to fly to new places, forage like a honey bee searching for the pollen of life to take back to the hive (within) and create the sweet honey nectar of my life; and then to share that sweetness. Forgive my mixed metaphor, but I come from a background of horticulture, where life cycles are key and gardening relates so much to our lives.

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.-- T. S. Eliot

You know when you need to move. Your body tells you. Your soul tells you. Some years back, I stopped hearing the music, refused to listen to it for over a year. I am a musician and I was burned out. To me, music is the juice that flows through me, charges me, makes me vibrant. I lost that music of my soul for a time, while life spiraled around me.
It is as T.S. Elliot explains, “It is music heard so deeply that it is not heard at all, but you are the music while the music lasts.”

That is being in the moment, when all is right with your world; everything is aligned; you are at peace; you are creating. This is what I want next – to create that peace; that in just being, it transcends beyond you, to all you come in contact with; to help provide a space, an idea, a peaceful, safe place where others can find their own music or nectar within themselves. That is the task at hand.

The Gnostic way of knowing is feminine wisdom. It is insight, intuition, the process of knowing oneself. To know oneself at the deepest level is to also know God, or your higher power, or whatever, however you understand if for yourself.

I did some free writing last December and wrote that we must align our core essence and then work outwards from it. Clear the core of who you are, shine it up and it will glow outwards. Hearts Within – Love Without.

Let us join on this journey of discovery, hope, love and charity, hand in hand, upward and onward…

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Onward and Upward We Go!

From the middle of life onward, only he remains vitally alive who is ready to die with life.
Samuel Johnson

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.
Henry Ford

I have started the process of a huge change in my life.  I have decided to close my business of 5 years.  The decision process was long and arduous and not without tears and heartache.  “Why” is the question everyone asks, of course.  “Why” is a long discussion.  Of course, the first and foremost reason is our economic climate, which has NOT been friendly to small business owners.  And that is all I will say on that topic.

The other reasons are far more interesting.  Is it too cliché to say the business ran out of road?  If you think of it as a living and breathing entity, does it also have a life span?  Going even deeper than that, did it serve its purpose and is no longer relevant?  If we live our lives based on an earlier uninformed decision and don’t adjust as time goes by, we will stagnate.  So, long story short, the business reached the end of the road.  Yes, when I opened, I hoped to become the next lingerie mogul, but alas, that was not to be.

Then again, and more importantly, I gained so much more in the way of friends, experiences (good and bad), knowledge and direction.  It segued me from where I was to where I am now.  And I am so grateful for all of it, good and bad.  I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.  So I bless it as it goes away.

I also realized that the place I am in right now is brand new, with no attachments to the past.  This business was attached to so many parts of what once was. In leaving it, I also leave behind the sorrows, the entanglements, and the former me.  It is bittersweet and difficult to imagine moving forward without these constant companions of the past.  But we must shed these old and ill fitting ideals of the past to blossom into the newness of uncertainty.

I awoke last night to three black entities (shadow people as they are called) running through my room.  It scared the crap out of me.  I understand they represent the dark side, fear, uncertainty.  But they also represent an opening in spirit and soul, where the good and the not so good can enter for contemplation and reflection.  I told my dear friend of this incident and she said the best of me is being birthed as we speak.  That is good to know because with change comes fear or discomfort (why would you change otherwise?) and we tend to overlook the goodness that is coming from this.

This reflection is also bittersweet.  People, places, things, that are attached to the old come flooding into mind.  Maybe to say their goodbyes.  Maybe to ask to be remembered.  Maybe to tell us they still love us and remind us of their importance in our growth.  I don’t know for sure.  Some will be forgotten.  But the ones that created the most agitation will remain on the shelves in our souls and be taken down and dusted now and then, without the sentiment that brought them to us originally.

I read this a few days ago and it spoke to the place I am in at the moment.

As you communicate, so what you say unlocks doors for you. They open up on the inside as much as the outside. These doors take you further into the palace of truth. Life is inviting you to sink your foundations in the soil of essence. It is offering increased substance.

“A real life is the life of essence. You can call it soul, or God within you, or whatsoever you will.” --Osho

And what is essence? Essence is your original face without any masks. Essence is that which you brought into the world when you were born. Essence is that which was with you in the womb. Essence is that which has been given to you by God – or whatsoever you call the totality, the whole, existence. Essence is a gift from existence to you.

So, I welcome a rediscovery of my true essence as I move forward into new territory.  I give thanks to what I am leaving behind.  In the words of  Mary Church Terrell, and so, lifting as we climb, onward and upward we go, struggling and striving, and hoping that the buds and blossoms of our desires will burst into glorious fruition.