I am thinking of spirals again. The Spiral represents the path of life - from your Essence, outward to the world. Or, depending on your perspective, from worldly existence to spiritual Essence. As I make my way through this transformation, I am envisioning the gears on an old ship. Remember the movie Titanic, when they were trying to reverse the boats gears and change course in hopes to avoid the collision with the iceberg? They were trying to first shut down the forward motion of the gears and then shift into reverse. The boat was moving forward while the gears were moving backward.
It is a struggle to change course. So much energy is being expended on that forward motion that it takes a tremendous amount of force to exact any change in the direction. And at some point, in the middle of the struggle, you are going both directions at the same time. If you look at a spiral, it could either be pulling itself inward or outward in direction. It is liminality at it once again.
I am at that midway point of moving in both directions - the old is still surfacing from the innermost point of the spiral and jettisoning out of me while the new is coming in. Think of a revolving door at the department store! It is that kind of energy that makes weird things happen. Like hearing from an old friend after years of absence. It is so familiar - that voice, those words. Yet it is equally awkward. You are no longer that person of that familiar pair. The puzzle pieces that once fit are now off kilter, the edges overlapping and not setting into perfect place.
Is that the old leaving and coming at the same time, hoping to not be left behind? Maybe to be morphed into the newness that is on its way in only to emerge again shortly. I don't know. the question I need to ask, and I will, is why did they disappear, and more importantly, why are they back? What drew them back? I have always needed answers for the whys in my life! Then again, it is said that if you just wait, the barriers will go away. Nonetheless, I still need those answers!
But actually, right now, what is really more interesting is watching and feeling those gears switch direction and carry me onto a different course that can only bring excitement and joy of what only NEW can bring!!