A new year is a-coming!

As I sit here in my store the day after Christmas and find myself utterly alone, I am not saddened by the lack of customers on this blustery winter day. I find myself thinking about what is to come and looking forward to a new year. This past year was a difficult one. It was also a year of tremendous change. It was a great learning year as well.

We all suffered loss in the economic crisis. And those that didn't adjust to this new way of life didn't make it. There are businesses around me that didn't heed the warnings and are either closed or soon to be closing.

This past year was also a difficult one personally. I lost people that were very dear to me. I was present when my father in law left this earth after a long struggle with cancer. It had a profound impact on me and I am blessed that I was able to be there. Other people left because our lessons were learned from each other. Those losses are most difficult because we don't want them to go but it just isn't right anymore and there is too much strife to have them in your life. They will always be with me in my heart. I learned so much.

I also met some wonderful new people whom I will take with me on a new path that is in the works as I write this. I know it's cliche, but it is true, when one door closes, another opens. And those that are behind the closed door have left an indelible mark.

But I now look to a new year, new friends, new opportunities, a freshness that comes with this new snowfall that I am now looking at. Cleaning out the old from last year to make way for a fresh new year. I think it's time to go ride a horse again! It's been way too long and my heart and soul need it. So if I don't write again, Happy New Year! I can't wait to see what it has in store for me!!

Declaration

Writing more of my book today and came across this again. Long time ago creation that still rings true.

Declaration

I am defined as daughter, sister, wife, mother.

But I am more

I am spirit, I am flowers, I am the songs in my head, the words on this page.

I am laughter riding wild on the wind of a horse.

I am bare toes in mountain springs and Tahoe sands.

I hang only colors on my walls that speak to me.

I am new beginnings to only myself

I do not repair others’ souls.

I am only ears to hear and loving touches.

I am my path, not yours.

Though I can light a way for you

I am love to me

I am love to my forever babies

I can let you in and you will know how.

The Old Woman I Shall Become...

The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning.... -George Sand

As I was contemplating old age, crone hood (as I am entering it) and the prospects of saggy everything, I came across this quote. And it made me think more on the ever approaching moment of crone hood.

Each chance, each feeling, each responsibility we commit our self to adds to the richness of our womanhood. I am no longer yesterday's woman. I am today's woman. And tomorrow I will also be today's woman, tomorrow! Yikes!

The weird thing is that I'll never be able to go back to her, without knowing, that she no longer meets the needs of the new woman emerging. I will look forward o these changes, to the older, wiser, (and hopefully sexier and a heck of a lot of fun) woman I am becoming. A woman who has perspective and wisdom to see the crap for what it is and let it go, to understand that the pain that is overwhelming right now is making way for this new lady of the world who will be a better version of the first.

If only I could trust and accept these lessons, to understand the words I have said myself - without the discomfort of pain, change cannot occur. Trust in the path I am on is what I need to believe daily. And look forward to the peace that comes with becoming.

A Song for My Dad

As we head full on into the holiday season, I wanted to add this story that came to me yesterday after spending the day with my family on Sunday at a tree farm cutting down our Christmas tree. Thank you for indulging me on this one. Happy holidays to everyone!

A Song for My Dad

I saw my dad today. He was driving a tractor in a large field of Christmas trees dressed in a Santa suit. And he was smiling.

He drove by on the first pick up and said there was no room this go around but he would be back shortly. I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of that sparkle in his eyes, the one long lost to pain, stolen by a thief well known to him for 50 years. His heart was so big and so open. It was an easy target for the cruelty of an unloving partner. 

Always quiet, and contemplative, he was a guy who could draw Donald Duck in 8 seconds flat, who drew 1950’s pin up girls with the same ease and beauty as it was for me to create a fresh floral design from a few cut flowers and greens. He could play Claire de Lune by heart on piano or organ, and apparently act in plays, something that was never known to anyone until he reminisced it to me 3 days before he died.

All from a man who was 5’11”, weighed 250 lbs at his skinniest, barely finished high school, was a paper hanger, painter, and designed and built both of our houses. This was a man with hands the size of frying pans who didn’t need gloves to clean the ice and snow off of car windows, whose pranks included using manure to make a small explosive that blew the mailbox off of a neighbor’s house because Dad was miffed about something he couldn’t quite remember, a very broad shouldered brute of a guy who could lift a full grown man over his head during a party and “accidentally” drop him and break the man’s back. Which subsequently ended the party. Dad felt awful about the accident, but remained friends with the guy.

This gentle giant donned a Santa suit every Christmas for my sis and I during our toddler years. His own mother would plop into his lap each season and they both would hoot and holler with laughter for the 8MM camera, whose tiny grainy reels me and sis would watch in the darker years to come. When Grams died, Christmas ended at her house and we never saw his side of the family again. That loss took the last hope for any glimmer from his eyes and his goodness was subsequently drowned in alcohol.

This was a man who never cried, who only winced and yelled obscenities into the air after driving a 3” nail into his knee while breaking boards in half for firewood, who in his frustration with his wife and family, chose my cousin over me for his new daughter, who didn’t speak to me for 4 years for a myriad of reasons, who was cold as ice on the outside, but cried soft tears and hugged me tightly after I told him I was finally pregnant after years of infertility treatments.

Oh, he wore that red suit a few more years for my one brother, but it never made it to my youngest brother’s Christmases. Some years down the road, we got him to put it on for my young nephew. Sis and I got the job of dressing him and we laughed until we cried as we attempted to stuff him into a too small well worn suit. I saw that glimmer find its way out of the darkness that night for that short moment.

The last time I saw that glimmer, a faint sparkle, the one that I now see in my younger son’s eyes, was after I had the hospital dose him up on morphine.

 “If we give him any more, his heart might stop.”

“He’s dying, for Christ’s sake! And he’s in pain! Give it to him now!"

Me, the so called “black sheep”, the one who was with him at his diagnosis, who drove him home that day and begged him to take one more trip to Greece, the place his heart belonged to and missed, the one who researched stage 4 pancreatic cancer and was told by a trusted friend and surgeon to tell Dad to get a great bottle of bourbon and a good cigar and head to the beach to enjoy the very short time he had left.

“If you want to go, Dad, we’ll make it happen. Someone will travel with you. But you

have to go now. There isn’t time…..”;

the one who said no to the treatments, “What for? He only has a few months to live, let him be happy in his final days”;

the one who was dismissed as wanting him dead for saying no to experimental treatments that are only a playground for unrelenting oncologists.

He was silent during that initial conversation with the doctor who delivered the news. He was silent on the way home that day. He was silent during our conversation, my questions of what he was thinking, what did he want to do, did he want to go to Greece.

He did hear me that day, though, and asked the oncologist a few days later if it would be possible to travel. My heart beamed but was quickly silenced when the rest of the family said no, he was to stay and allow the doctors to concoct their chemo cocktails for him.

“We can beat this thing, Dad.” was the fear coming out of the rest of the family.

And my heart broke as I watched him relent.

So he never went to his beloved Greece again and the only beach he saw was in a painting on the wall of his hospital room those last two days. He seemed lost in that painting his last morning, as if he was already there.

We had finally gotten his pain under control the night before and as I sat with him after the others had gone for coffee, he told my husband I was crazy after I asked him how he was feeling. And the sparkle was there. I smiled and knew at that moment that we had made peace with each other, after years of struggles and heartbreaks.

So it warmed my heart when I saw him today. The gentle giant that was silenced during his lifetime, was driving an old farm tractor, smiling, eyes sparkling, dressed in a Santa suit.

Words from the Heart

I am working with 3 other writers on a performance piece and we just performed it last night for the first time to a "safe" group of friends for their input and critiques. Two of us have been performing all our lives in bands, in theatre, and the other two have never performed before so we thought it necessary to "practice" it before setting it free to the world.

What came out of that evening was very thought provoking. One of the topics we are writing on is Mothers. It is the strongest and most profound group of the 5 topics we have chosen. It also elicited the most profound comments.

I came from what I am now calling, The Freddy Kruger Family. I don't think I need to explain it further than that. My mother piece reflected my story of years ago when I was kidnapped at knife point. My family did NOT come to my side with compassion or assistance to get me through the aftermath of that experience.

So, after years of telling my story, I am fully healed from it and can tell it with humor and peace. I think it took all those years of telling it to heal from it. I was unaware of it at the time, but telling your story is a very healing process. I have written the story from a very healed person's perspective, complete with sarcasm and humor. Unfortunately, when I read it to this audience, I received not so good reviews.

Why!?!? It is the best story I have ever written!!! What it did was horrify the audience who then told me that they wanted to badly to feel bad for me but couldn't be cause I was so angry about it!. I was not and am no longer angry at ALL! And it is very hard to accept any type of criticism as I lived my whole life getting criticized so, yeah, I am a bit sensitive.

BUT, because of how I grew up, I took the criticism to heart, thinking I was less than, and stayed up most of that night reworking, rereading, etc. What they were looking for was some fear or vulnerability from that experience. Okay, I can do that. And being an actress, I mostly reworked my delivery. I also added two additional lines and wrote back in some lines I had initially taken out.

I talked to a good friend who was there the next day and she said our work really made the audience think, A LOT, and most were still talking about it the next day. Great! That is just what you want out of a show. But the most important thing she told me was that she realized from my story who was the bad guy. And it wasn't my perpetrator. It was my family, for not supporting me with compassion and love. Her words were soft, kind, and she relayed that my experience showed me how to find people to attach to who loved me. These people, decades later, in hearing my stories, had more love and compassion for me than a lifetime from my own family.

And I am profoundly grateful. And what a opportune time of the year to give thanks. To myself for "making it" and for my truly wonderful husband, sons and friends. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs!

Seems that if I am not careful, I will run right smack into a sign these days. They appear to be coming faster and more frequently. I'm sure that there are some I have totally missed. Probably why these last three weeks have been full of illness, stress and just weirdness. Full length feature dreams in full color, fully scripted, starring some of my favorite (and not so favorite) people, past AND present!

Good gosh oh my, times are 'a changing.....quick......hurry, hurry and PLEASE watch out for those signs!

I usually hold onto emails that have something to read, a video to watch, something in which I must take the time to engage in, digest, and then I can erase them. Or copy significant text to ponder or use later. Most of the time, I end up saving the emails and never going back to them.

This morning I decided to go through a few. I had to look up some people and organizations online and while there, let's get some older items out of the way. This video was 23 minutes long. Wow, I have to sit here and watch this for almost half an hour...

But I watched and wondered when the video would ask me to buy something. It didn't. At least this one didn't. And I took notes as I always do. And then the author/guru said a phrase that resonated with me - translucent people. I had heard this before. Hey, I want to be one of those. So I looked it up. And low and behold there is a whole book on it. And another article. And it so happens this author wrote it (of course). So I read some more, looked up the book on Amazon and guess what. I own this book!!! I had to laugh at how the universe works.

It came out in 2005, the Translucent Revolution by Arjuna Ardagh. Obviously it resonated with me 5 years ago. But I never read it. Here is one of those signs that hit me smack in the head! I pulled it from the shelf and cracked it open to the forward and NOW I will finally read it. How do you like that for signs!

In a nutshell, here is what intrigued me. It is about people who have experienced powerful shifts of consciousness. Their awakening has changed who they know themselves to be and the nature of the world around them.

These awakenings initiate a gradual metamorphosis, which is both evolutionary and endless. A spontaneous generosity of spirit, an impulse to serve, and a willingness to transform living into art gradually replace the normal relationship to life marked by fear and acquisition. I call this endless process of evolution and transformation "translucence." Webster's dictionary defines translucent as "letting light pass through, but not transparent."

Translucent people also appear to glow from the inside. They have access to their deepest nature as peaceful, limitless, free, unchanging, and at the same time they remain fully involved in the events of their personal lives. Thoughts, fears, and desires still come and go; life is still characterized by temporary trials, misfortunes, and stress. But the personal story is no longer opaque: it is now capable of reflecting something deeper, more luminous and abiding.

So, thank you, to me, I guess, for heeding the signs. Times definitely are changing and people will either awaken to their true selves, or go down another path that might just lead them astray. So, off to my book!

Meraki - The Soul's Work

Once again I find myself sifting though old papers that have piled up over the months/years/decades... Lately it has been a time of cleanup in my life. So much has been thrown out from the last incarnation or donated to causes I once did work for. So yes, that does make me feel better that there is use of stuff I have no use for anymore.

And I came across this. Meraki. A Greek word meaning "to do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put yourself into what you are doing."

And again, it popped up when I needed it. Now. Once more sign that tells me I am on the right track. I watched a music show a while ago and they were interviewing Richard Marx, who said when you have a passion, money doesn't drive you, fame doesn't drive you. He said it is this inner passion, a feeling of "there is nothing else", a drive to create regardless of any outer focus. This is the way of the true artist. It is all within. And I get it.

I watch my son, who is a musician, work because he is driven by an inner desire that precedes any outer reason. he gave up a steady gig with steady pay because it did not "juice" him anymore. It didn't fulfill his need to create and he let it go to move forward. He doesn't look back. He moves forward with such confidence. And I get it. So I don't worry. I know he will be fine.

So I continue to clear out, empty, and then water the visions and dreams a bit each day. I know they are growing. I've seen it happen before. And I'll do it with Meraki!

Liminality - the Space In Between

Reality is the place between the sea and the foam. Irish Proverb

Dictionary.com defines it as:

the transitional period or phase of a rite of passage, during which the participant lacks social status or rank, remains anonymous,shows obedience and humility, and follows prescribed forms of conduct, dress, etc.

It is defined as the space in-between. It is emptiness and nowhere. It is a place of dying and rebirth, the space between death and rebirth, something that cannot be seen. Liminality is where transformation occurs. It is when we are betwixt and between, and by definition, not in control. An uncomfortable place to be if you ask me, but a place of impending change, which to me is exciting.

In the book, Crossing to Avalon - it is described as passing through a gateway, a threshold - an in between zone where we are neither who we used to be nor who we are becoming. We are standing in a doorway between two phases of our own life.

In this liminal phase we are vulnerable, thin skinned, which means we are open to new growth. T.S. Eliot wrote about a point of intersection of the timeless with time. It is a place where eternal and ordinary perception overlap the spiritual world and visible reality come together. Only in periods of availability will a person respond to a call to adventure or love and the lessons they bring.

Okay, so what does this mean and why even talk about it? I came upon notes I had taken from books and other readings, which are shared above, at the right time in my life.

As I came back from a spectacular trip to the Omega Institute for a Women's Leadership conference, thoughts were screaming in my head, copious notes had been taken the whole weekend, I rewrote my ideas for a retreat center, cleared out some old personal "garbage", and was ready to take on the work of my next incarnation.

And I got home and none of this happened. I couldn't write, my thoughts were unclear, my head foggy. I got sick recently, which put my head in an ever worse fog and I wondered what happened to that energy and spark that was on fire in New York. Even my meetings with people I met on that trip didn't spark anything new or exciting. What was wrong with me?

Then tonight, as I tried to free write in my journal (with no luck), I came across old notes and writings, which included liminality. And I realized where I was at this moment in my life. Funny, once again, if you look for the signs, they are here in front of you.

I guess I, too, am in another state of transition, that place in between. I am letting go of the old and worn out but the new has not presented itself yet. Jung calls the psychological journey to wholeness as individuation, a task of the 2nd half of life.

So, again, I wait, quietly, because I know in the quiet and nothingness, things are happening that are out of my control, out of my realm of thought. It tires me, this non-work. But it also excites me, as I know out of it comes newness, new thought, new direction, new beginnings, new you.

Beauty in the Bra - October Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I am amazed at all of the response to our art bra project with Dominican University students. This was the first year we did this project and I already have new ideas for a much more expansive program next year. I want to include more stores, more goddesses, more events. Hmmm, I don't like to run, but could we have a 5K run to benefit the project? A goddess themed run? Hmmm, the ideas keep coming up. I am humbled by all the response, all of the women who have inspired me on this project, and who continue to inspire me in my work. Thank you all. http://oakpark.patch.com/articles/designers-bras-lift-awareness-support-breast-cancer-cures http://www.baubosgarden.com/content/beauty-bra-breast-cancer-awareness-month-0

Seasons are a-Changin'!

It never ceases to amaze me, the zigs and zags of your life, how it's course changes in the blink of an eye, the change in direction so small, yet so determined and angled perfectly that sometimes you can't see it till a new person enters, or an old acquaintance reappears, and brings into the forefront an idea that had been cooking in your head for a while. I've said it before and I will say it again, an idea is hatched and is planted into the universe and then, if it is cared for and tended to, grows into a live project. It may have a face not quite like the original one, but has become a life of its own. I came back from the Women's Leadership and Power conference a few weeks back at the Omega Institute, and since then I have not been able to write anything. I was so filled with stories of hope and encouragement. I was so filled up that I tweaked my plans a bit more and added to them (of course), and came home with such a need to start working on these ideas. But I couldn't. Nothing would come. The next week I attended a luncheon for the Chicago Women's' Foundation, an organization that funds womens projects. I came away from that with more ideas, and was re-acquainted with former workmates. Again, I could not write. And so I wait. Phone calls have been made. Meetings have been set with new and old colleagues. The seeds are being tended to. And even though it is Fall, I feel a sense of newness is coming. Seasons are a-changin'. And I await with such enthusiasm, the transition that is coming, trowel, watering can and compost in hand.

Seven Year Cycle

"The number Seven was esteemed holy, as is well known, by reason of the six days of creation, and of the seventh, which is the celestial man, in whom is peace, rest, and the sabbath..." - Swedenborg A.R. 657 The last post was about my dying smoke tree. Well, I looked out the window today and every single branch is dying. I resigned myself to letting it go through the winter and then cutting it back in the early spring and feeding it very well to encourage new growth and another year of life. And then it seemed to me that maybe I am being selfish. Maybe I should just let nature take its course and allow the poor thing to die peacefully with no life support of any kind. It blessed me this summer with the most beautiful blooms I have ever seen it its lifetime. And the blooms lasted throughout the rest of the summer and into the fall. It was breathtaking. And it should have reminded me that I certainly know that when a plant blooms this heavy and for so long, it is saying its farewell. Such a sweet thank you I received and didn't pay enough attention to. I planted that tree around 7 years ago. The Seven Cycle Year is the time to rest, to deepen your philosophy, to reflect and build inner reserves. It is the start of the fruition cycle. In the plant stage the plant rests from growth as it puts its accumulated reserves of energy into the blossoms which causes the flowers to unfold. The seven-year cycles are an evolutionary spiral. They belong to every being that has ever been created. There is no one who does not go through them. There is a natural release of energy every seven years which encourages you to move forward and make changes. Every seven years there is, within the system, a total change. If I look back, 7 years ago I had left my position at Garfield Park Conservatory. My swan song had been the county fair of September 2002. It was a glorious finish to my career there, an event coordinated with the City of Chicago's World Music Fest. Over 4 thousand people attended the one day event. It bloomed for a day and then I was gone.

And in the past seven years, I have changed careers, opened a business, lost two parents and other loved ones, lost some friends, and weathered an economic nightmare!

But I have also gained some wonderful new friends, been blessed with a business that allows me to create and expand in so many other ways. I don't know if the last seven years have been restful but they sure have been thought inducing, full of reflection and I have had to build major emotional and energy reserves to keep it all together! All to become the flowering/fruiting process. And that is what my tree did. It spent 6 glorious years building to that last gorgeous bloom and is stepping aside for the next tree, plant, project, etc. As for me, the last seven years have been of change, transition, building reserves, so that the next seven will be fruitful. I do feel that itch. It is an irritation that has no name yet. Just a funny little feeling that started this year, the sixth year. I've felt it before. It is that final push before the next big thing pops up. It used to bother me, that funny little feeling, and it still does. But I get it. I understand. Or at least I know it is temporary. And I look forward to what unfolds next. Because many seeds have been planted in the last seven years. And being a gardener, I know that not all the seeds will germinate. I will have to sit quietly and wait to see what pops up out of the ground. Who knows, maybe it will be a new smoke tree sapling next spring. Oh, I will tend to my dear plant as it fades. If I am diligent, I may be able to steal another year out of it, but I don't think it will bloom as it did this year. And if it quietly goes permanently dormant this winter, I will mourn the loss but celebrate a new season of growth, of change, of awe for the ever changing life around me.

Season of Change

Today I found out my beloved smoke tree has verticillium wilt and it is dying. It started this decline two years ago and I was able to give it a dose of "help" that got it through another couple of years. This summer it bloomed so profusely and it was breathtaking. Unfortunately, I know from years as a horticulturist, that this type of bloom is a plant's last ditch effort to "seed" before it dies. And I believe this is what is happening.

Why am I bothering to tell you this? Well, several things. Attachment is one. I coveted this tree. It is a rare variety that I searched for and finally found at Rich's Fox Willow Pines. Instead of the normal burgundy bloom from the common variety, these blooms started pink and turned rose and then a dark rose and they are so large and last from June through August. I loved that tree and cared for it as I would a child and reveled at the spectacular show every year. And it grew twice the size it's supposed to grow which made me even more proud. I became very attached to that tree.

As many religions will tell you, attachment is not good. And now it is dying. Oh, I will try my best to do whatever I can to save it another year knowing it made its final show for me and now needs to go. And I will cry. And then I will release the pain, rework the yard and find another plant to take its place. Unfortunately, I cannot plant another one like this in the same place as the disease is in the soil would kill the next one as well. So I must say goodbye to my dear friend.

A few weeks back, I said goodbye to another very good friend (human.....) and it hurts badly to do this. But the time had come and change is due. Out with the old.....

It makes me look back to a jade plant I propagated back in school about 22 years ago. One tiny little jade leaf was planted in my basic horticulture class when I was just learning the basics of horticulture. This was when I had made another huge transition in my life and was changing careers and went back to school. I cared for this plant and it grew into a huge jade tree from that one leaf. It would have gone for over $300 in a retail plant shop. I was proud of the work I had done for those 15 or so years.

Five years ago the pot broke and the plant fell out and broke in a million pieces. My huge jade tree was now scattered all over the floor. I was crushed! I took care of that plant for 15 years, grew it into the huge beautiful specimen that it once was!

I then realized that it had served its purpose in my life. I was changing careers again and was saying goodbye to my horticulture career. So I replanted the few pieces into a new pot and started fresh. My life was once again transitioning and with that, death of some sort is inevitable. You cannot start new without the old dying. I let go of that plant, that life period, and faced a whole new season of my life.

So, as much as it pains me to lose my beloved tree, I believe once again it is the season of change. Losing things dear to you makes way for newness, new people, new events, and yes, new trees. Once again, I must let go of the old to make way for the new. And it isn't easy. If it was, we would never change.

Hopefully we learn from those things we must now let go of. My new "old" jade plant is growing nicely. It came back. It is different, but I still have it. And if the people I have had to let go come back, they too will be different. We will be different. And that will be good. And they will be welcomed. As will my beautiful smoke tree, someday....

Dumping

Tonight I gave away more supplies from my last incarnation. Boxes and boxes of dried herbs, candle making supplies, pots, dried flowers, left out the back door and entered into a car that would drive them to a not-for-profit organization who would recycle them into the same crafts I originally bought them for.

It's funny how life cycles, down to flower picks and adaptable tools from 20 years of horticulture programming. It made me feel good to know that these items wouldn't go to a landfill, that some child or person with a disability would benefit. And so my work continues, work that I left behind two years ago now.

Work that I will probably go back to some day. Don't' we all do that? In some form, in some recycled way. Life keeps turning itself over and over. Nothing is new. It may look and feel new, but if you look closely, it is just a shiny new coat of paint over an old and comfortably worn job, or idea, or hobby. That's why it is so comfortable and feels like home.

And when we learn something new, it is woven into our old, comfy ways of doing things. It all becomes part and parcel to our wonderful selves. Yes, aging can have it's aggravations, like stiff joints and a few extra whiskers where there once were none. But it also gives you more patience, more wisdom, more skills.

So now, as I wake each morning with unease, I know I've been there before. Oh, yeah, transition. Done that before. Yeah, it's tough. It doesn't feel good, this out with the old to make way for the new. But I know it will pass. It always does. So now I look at it with wonder and excitement (after I've dealt with the early morning panic!) and know there is some exciting new stuff that is out there brewing. And it's brewing with some of the old stuff, which seasons the pot and makes for a better outcome.

I'm just one big recycled life. But no one picked up my old life in their car tonight. Just some old stuff pushed out of an old life.

Clearing Out to Make Way for New

Oh how cliche! How many times have we heard this saying. Clean out the old to make way for the new. But what the heck does that mean? At one point in my life it used to be clearing out the old clothes/shoes/purses/underwear to make way for a new batch that was probably already in the house with nowhere to be stashed.

Or at another time, it was clear out the old boyfriend as the new one was waiting in the wings. Or on a sadder note, clearing out your desk as in you've been fired!

But now, as I move along further towards my "golden years", clearing out takes on a whole new meaning. Literally, I DO need to clean and clear out. A lifetime of hoarding - for what I ask - has led to a pile of junk. Add to that the piles of junk of two sons and a husband and you have what it takes to be a guest on the TV show, Hoarders. I, for one, cannot take it anymore. And I seem to be the only one in my house who agrees!

I can't think anymore. The clutter of a lifetime and the increasing "clutter" in my brain, has made it imperative to start dumping. There isn't one inch of room left to ponder, to wonder, to create, let alone think about the next phase of my life.

They are wrong when they say, once the kids are grown, you will have all this time and space to enjoy life. For me, it has become more complicated. There is a grown son on the verge of something quite large and it excites me to have a hand in that, to help, to guide. A husband, who is also needing to sow some new oats, and a teenager who wants to be everything that has ever crossed the dinner table as an idea! I find it all very exciting but it is taking up a big part of space in my ever decreasing brain space.

So, since I am only one person and no longer "superwoman" (was I ever?), I started with the garage yesterday. After all, it was Labor Day. So I labored. Such a need came over me to clear out my last incarnation with was sitting under the current incarnation. Oh, I gave up horticulture programming for good two years ago but couldn't' quite get the nerve to rid myself of all the supplies stored in every nook and cranny for the last 20 years.

"I just might go back to that, you never know......" I am finding out, too, that there are people and relationships attached to those items as well. So I'm clearing out tangible as well as intangible items. Great, more "stuff".

So now, they lay neatly in boxes and piles, waiting for the lucky person who is in need of those supplies for their own programs for adults or children. Who knows, they might be ridding themselves of their own last incarnation to make more room for my supplies!

And as each shelf emptied, a small space was created in my being. In the past, I might have run to fill that space. But no longer is that necessary. I will patiently keep clearing out till there is nothing left but empty space. In the garage, in the basement, in my head. What a glorious moment that will be. And the feeling of floating on air, weightless. What a great place to begin again from. I would like it to happen prior to my Omega Institute trip end of month. Wow, only a couple weeks away.... gotta run...... more to clear.....

Funny Times Ahead!

So four of us have decided to create a performance group, kind of a spoken word type of group. And word has it we will take it to the streets, so to speak, and do live performances. I really don't have an issue with this as I have performed most of my life, some in ways I would like NOT to remember!

What is interesting is there are four views on each topic. We all put ideas in a hat and have chosen (from that hat), which topics we will address. One word - four voices. And in a way, we have begun learning about one another. It seems that my life is a tragic one, full of bad mothers and abusive fathers. While I can laugh at all the "tragedies" now, it wasn't always that way. I survived, have lived to tell the next tale, and have made lemonade out of the lemons that were tossed into my cook pot.

It has also made me think about how those stories created themselves and more so, about those that affected them. Yes, we can all say we had terrible upbringings, full of dysfunction and drama. But if you look deeply at the people whom you'd like to blame for that dysfunction, you will also see the sadness and tragedy that formed their lives and souls.

Of course, there are some people who are just evil and brought to this earth to mess up those closest and dearest to them. I lived with one. But can I be so cliche to say that she helped make me the person I am now, more soulful, more compassionate of those closest to me? I think I can. So I can say a thank you now. The difficulties have passed. I can laugh at them. I can also cry at them still. And they continue to shape my ever changing being.

Divine Fate? Angels in my Midst?

So a short time ago, I wanted to attend Omega Institutes Women's Conference at the end of September. And when I went to sign up, it was full and reservations were closed. And there was a contest to win tickets to the conference.

I entered the conference, posted my entry.....and didn't win. I figured if I was meant to go, I would win the contest. So the contest deadline came and went and no word. So I wasn't meant to go. Ok, I get that. I am okay with that. I guess. There is always next year.

A few weeks back I just decided to look at the website again and just tease and torture myself (because that is just what I like to do.....), check out who was speaking and so on. I also decided to see if I could register (torturing myself further) because we all need to get shot down twice, right?

To my extreme surprise, the site let me register. I couldn't believe it! I didn't believe it! Why would I? These things don't happen to me!

Or do they?

So I decided it was a mistake, a glitch in their site software. And I didn't buy an airline ticket. I said if they confirm my registration, only then will I buy a ticket. A few days passed, nothing. Then on the fourth day of waiting, it was confirmed! And I bought my airfare.

So I am going! I guess I WAS meant to go to this! Wow, can't wait. A powerful weekend awaits me. What else can I expect that I wouldn't normally expect? Are there angels in my midst? There have been before. I will call them in again. (I really DID pray to every power I know for help!) And wait in wonder for the magic to happen.

Compassionate and Unique Leadership Skills

"When you act from the highest, you will not only feel the delight of such a connection but others will be uplifted in your presence and get a hint of their own Divine Light." I procrastinated AGAIN and missed out on an important opportunity and I am angry at myself about it. I wanted to attend the Women's Conference 2010 at Omega Institute this fall and I put off signing up for it till today. And it is sold out. Bummer. Big bummer. BUT, there is an opportunity to win tickets to it by answering the question, "What unique qualities empower you, as a woman, to be a strong and compassionate leader?" Wow, big question. And it has to be answered in 200 words or less. I started reading some of the answers and was overwhelmed by the creativity and profundity. I've written things on that topic in more ways than one so I decided to go back and look at some of the words I have written. And if I pray and ask the universe for help, maybe, just maybe I will be the winner. A friend was just given free tickets to go back to Medjugorje in Bosnia, where she was healed. She felt a need to go back and could not afford to go, so she prayed. And she received! I DO believe that the universe is waiting to help if we just ask. "Ask and you shall receive." So I am because I feel deep down that it is important that I go this year. Here is my answer to that question in 247 words. Hopefully they aren't counting. Unique qualities for compassionate leadership are really quite simple. Believe in your dreams. Ask for help and receive. Face your biggest fears. Take risks that you know will lead to greater things. Trust and empower the people around you; trust in yourself and your abilities; trust your gut; trust that moving forward includes hurts, failure, darkness, as well as growth and achievement; trust that NOTHING is static, NOTHING ever goes as initially planned; trust that not knowing everything at all times is OK; life is unfolding as it is meant to. Let go of all preconceived notions - they will hold you back; let go of limiting behaviors; to "let go" is to fear less and love more. Accept yours and others flaws, intricacies, gifts, beauty; accept that you have no control over the universe and it will guide you. Become to others the same role model that moved you to greater things. Impart the wisdom you've learned to others moving along those same paths you once travelled, helping them to reach the level of inner comfort and outer freedom you yourself have found. If we envision a world where women support each other and help each other find their place in an ever-changing world, then we can become the change we want to see.

Manifest Your Dreams

"All we are is a result of what we have thought." Buddha

I found some notes today in my take to work bag. Don't know when or where they come from. Wow, I really need to get all these notes into one place. I read a lot and take notes on what I read; things that really touched me or that I want to remember. A good deal of them make more sense later on when you come back to them and reread. I think it is because at the time of writing them, they are thoughts in the air and in writing them down, they become wishes, seeds, dreams of things to come. And thus manifesting occurs.

Plant a seed, water it, and it grows. I know that. I am a horticulturist. I've been planting seeds for over 20 years. These seeds/dream/wishes are different though. They don't always grow to into what you initially planted. Which is the exciting part!

My take on manifesting: Thoughts become things. That is manifestation. And it is the affirmation of your current thoughts. Negative thoughts beget negative manifesting. The law of attraction is always working whether you know it consciously or not. If you have a prolonged chronic way of thinking you manifest those thoughts in being. And then you wonder why your life stays the same. You attract predominant thoughts that are in your focus whether they are conscious or unconscious.

Your life is a physical manifestation of the thoughts in your head. An affirmative thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative thought. Whatever you are thinking and feeling today is creating your future. Your thoughts and feelings create your life. When you think of it in this way, your future depends upon positive thoughts! We can change our path through a shift in our awareness.

1. ASK! The universe responds to your thoughts and wishes.

2. BELIEVE! If you believe that it is yours already, and show unwavering faith, you will attract the way for that wish to get to you; the path will appear! It's really as easy as that. Think about it.....

For example, early last year I knew I wanted to move into a more spiritual direction with my store. I wanted to offer workshops on goddesses, spirit and the like. But I knew no one who could provide these types of programs. I didn't know where to begin. And then an angel appeared right in my store. I spoke of her in an earlier blog. I was having the worst day and she read me like a book. I NEVER show anything but joy and pleasantries to my customers but she knew there was something wrong. This lovely woman sat me down for over an hour after we had no luck in finding an item that fit her. And we talked about life. She said I needed to see this local akashic soul records reader, Linda. My mood suddenly was lightened after she left. I know now that she was truly an angel. I pay more attention now to angels in my midst! They are there all the time, in body and in soul.

So I went to see this woman and after our visit, people started entering my life in response to my desire for said workshops above. And since then, this desire has been building and manifesting into other ideas and themes. My initial desire has transformed into something much larger. It is all very exciting to watch all this unfold.

3. Doubt - If you doubt, this will lead to disappointment as what you desire will not come to you. Replace doubt with unwavering faith!

4. Receive - FEEL the way you will feel once what you desire arrives. Put yourself into the frequency of what you're wanting. What would you feel like if you had it right now. Feel that.

5. Act - When intuitive feeling is present, ACT ON IT! List what you are grateful for. Gratitude is a way to bring more of what you're grateful for about. Visualizing what you want will help to materialize it. Dwell only upon the end results. FEEL the end result. The universe will figure out how it will manifest. All YOU have to do is feel it as already here. When you have an inspired thought, you must trust it; you must act on it. WE have to remember our body is the product of our thoughts. What we resist, persists. Energy flows where attention goes. Cute, kitchy phrases, but oh, so true.

Here are a few more to ponder. Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls. No one else can dance your dance, sing your song, write your story....only you can. Now get manifesting!!

Angels in Our Midsts...again

A friend of mine (I'll call her N) is training to become a life coach and she needed some hours of peer counseling for her certification. She uses the approach of manifesting as the way we bring things into our lives. Since I am so intrigued with all and everything spiritual, I agreed and have talked to her several times. Last night we spoke again. The first session was in May. I had already been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and was in the throws of the pain and depression that results from that kind of diagnosis. I DON'T DO CHRONIC ILLNESS. I was unhappy with where things were heading. It was a tough year last year through the never ceasing recession and its effects on people and their buying habits. Business was suffering and I just didn't want to do it anymore. I needed to be juiced again. My hubby is so practical and said "If you don't pay attention to your business, it will fall apart." Or, "If you spend all your time thinking and owrking on your "next incarnation", you aren't focusing on the business and it will fall apart." Oh contrare Mon Amie! When you pay attention to your goals and dreams, they will manifest and everything else you are currently "in" will tag along in happy pursuit of your dreams! Pay attention! There are signs. You can miss them if you're sloppy and not paying attention. Last week I dreamt of my father in law who passed on a month earlier. I wrote of it in an earlier post. He told me to believe. He said, "If you believe then I am here." The more global meaning I got from the dream was if you believe that you manifest your life, then there are no surprises, no chance or random occurrences. Oh, they may seem random because most of us ARE sleeping through our lives. I held onto the "why is this happening to me?' scenario for years. I singlehandedly brought my vibrational energy down so low that I attracted all the bottom dwellers and dark personalities right to me. They all seemed to cry, "help me, I can't help myself and really don't want to. It is safer to hide in the dark." Or something like that. But is in the darkness that we find ourselves, what we are made of, what we can really handle. And if we use that darkness to our advantage, such bright light comes from it. They call it the dark night of the soul. I know I have angels that watch over me. And I also know that I am my own angel at times. I know that I DO manifest everything about me, all that happens, good or bad. I was in a waking mode the other morning when I heard footsteps on the first floor. I knew I was home alone but I was comforted because I knew they were the footsteps of my son. I know his pacing by heart. It was comforting to know that he was there if only in dream. He IS one of my angels. At the end of my conversation with N, she asked something like, what will you do to make the necessary changes? And I answered, I must believe that all that is before me is real and true and meant to be because I created it. I thought later, that was the message that my father in law had for me in my dream. I spoke the words that he spoke to me. Listen, they are out there. Your angels. Listen....

Wisdom of the Eternal Consciousness

A customer came in today and as we worked together, she told me of her and her husband's quest to trace their genealogy. In that discussion she talked about her grandmother and the need to get all the information down before she passed to the next world. She also told me of her father's passing a few months back and how the timing of his death coincided with putting all of his "ducks in a row". Everything he wanted to take care of was taken care of within hours of his sudden passing. Somehow he "knew". And his family was lucky to be there to witness his passing by singing to him as he crossed over.

It reminded me of my father in law's passing a month ago and how the whole family was there to witness his death. However, there were quite a few that could not be present in the room but chose to stay in another room. They were afraid of death, of this unknown. But Wally had his way and in his last moments was able to create laughter in the room instead of deep sorrow as he mumbled something from his deep unconsciousness that sounded like "F---You". It made us laugh as we knew this is what he always said in times of trouble and uneasiness. His heart had already stopped beating but his bodily functions were still playing themselves out. He "knew" and he spoke from beyond, or what this lady today spoke of as eternal consciousness.

There is more that is out there than what we can see with the naked eye. Our loved ones are still with us beyond their passing as long as we believe. The other night, Wally came to me in my dream. He was sitting with family. Either my niece or my son was sitting on his lap (they were younger than they are now). He and I were talking like we always did until I realized that this could not be happening because he was dead. I said "this isn't real-you aren't here anymore. How can I be talking to you." He responded with "If you believe, then I am here talking to you. If not, then I am not here". And with that he started to fade away. I didn't want him to go so I said, "I believe!" And he came back.

His words were not just telling me to believe in his presence. His words were much broader in context. He was saying if I believe, then anything is possible. Even if it isn't within our sights, our grasp, but just an idea or thought, as long as you believe in it, then it exists and it is available. Each time I tell this dream, I well up with deep emotion. Not just for Wally, but in the larger concept that he was trying to get me to understand. I've always known this but needed a loved one to tell me from beyond the grave. Obviously, I would not accept this and needed the dream state to deliver the message to me through a kind, loving man.

I do believe. I believe there is a collective unconscious that we can tap into at any time for help, information, support. I also now believe that there is also an eternal consciousness that is much larger as it is sustained by everyone who has gone before us. And it is there to tap into at any time. It is unconditional love, it is kindness, it is wisdom. Yes, I Believe.

Reworking a Life....Again

I was recently given a not so great health diagnosis and then a few days ago, my father-in-law passed away from a long arduous battle with cancer. Two big eye openers. Firstly, I looked at the diagnosis as, "hey, how do I fix it and when do we start?". I was told it was incurable and f course, I don't respond well to that kind of talk. To tell you the truth, I don't have time for a persistent problem. Let' fix it and get on with it. I looked into it, got some answers (and some more questions...) and decided to hit it head on with medical, dietary, spiritual and holistic guns. It had been festering for quite a while I am told, and finally decided to pull out all the stops to get my attention. That is usually what our bodies do. They will give you some warnings to alert you of their presence and allow you to make changes for the better. If you ignore them, they hit harder until they knock you right off your feet (s this one did). Time for a change. And then my father-in-law died. We knew it was coming so everyone prepared as best as you can. He died with his whole family (immediate and extended) surrounding him. We even got a laugh at the last moments when I said something to him and he let out a loud response (unidentifiable) as if to say "fuck you!", which was something I would have expected from him in our relationship. We always gave each other shit but there was a deep respect and love underlying every sarcastic comment. So he got the last word, he made us laugh before he took his last breaths as if to say, get over it, I am fine! What really astounded me was the depth of love that was in the house that morning. When both my parents died, it was a very lonely experience. My mom died alone and my father collapsed and by the time my brother and I got him back into bed, he was breathing his last breaths. While it was the most profound experience to have my dad look into my eyes as he passed on, it was also very lonely. In comparison, the other day was a glorious expression of love and tribute to a man who was truly loved. So I take these recent experiences and begin once again to look at where I am in life, what my expectations are and were, and re-evaluate one more time. And realize that NOTHING is static, NOTHING ever goes as you initially plan it, and it has left me with a head full of NOTHING. Which is a good place to start. Again. When I can't come up with an answer, a next step, I know it is a good place because there is a wide open canvas to work from again. I am not saying that my dreams have dissipated. My retreat center dream is still alive and cooking. But the path to get there appears to have shifted and fallen away. And I have not built another or it has not presented itself...yet. And the one thing that makes me the most uncomfortable is not knowing. Which is my lesson. To be still and let the next steps unfold themselves without my interference. I have stopped trying to force the issue. My soul will NOT allow me to throw my two cents in anymore. All it wants is quiet. Only then will it reveal itself in small pieces. My only job was to let it all go - the plan that was in my head. The dream is still very much alive. And the clues have started presenting themselves. I noticed one today. I believe it planted itself in my deep knowing self where it will be fertilized organically, not forced. It does take a dramatic life changing event to wake us stubborn, blinders on, people. As open as I am to change and whatever comes, we get caught up in life and the thoughts of future, and need a kick in the pants to reboot. I had two kicks in the pants in a month. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. I hear you world. I listened. I let go.

How to be a Goddess

There are many faces modern women present to the world. In the space of one day, you can be the professional at work, partner and career at home, and fun-lover with friends. No matter what the situation, women need to draw on a wide range of resources to keep it all together. Tapping into goddess energy is one way to ensure you get through each day with your integrity intact. SELF PRESERVATION. Being goddess is about being in tune with oneself, being able to recognize threatening situations and respond rationally and calmly. Trust your instinct and act with confidence. Be conscious of the influence of others’ moods and needs and stay balanced in times of duress. Manifest security and a dynamic presence by keeping your feet firmly on the ground, literally. SELF GRATIFICATION. Creatively, emotionally and sexually, connect with others through feeling, desire, sensation and movement. Learn to accept change gracefully and don’t be afraid to let your depth of feelings show. In addition, a poverty consciousness will only serve to deny what you deserve. Abundance is good, (greed is not), whether it be material, esoteric, emotional or otherwise. Ask for what you want and deserve, and providing it’s not for selfish reasons, give yourself permission to receive it. SELF DEFINITION. Being goddess is more than just alabaster skin and an Elle McPherson body. Apart from round abdomens and swinging breasts, common attributes of ancient goddesses include uncompromising strength, compassion and justice. Spend time working out who you are, who you want to be, and then honoring the true you in the image you present to everyone you meet. Write your own eulogy then circle the five most important elements that you would want people to remember you by. Then, live according to those attributes to make them a habit. SELF ACCEPTANCE. If you don’t love yourself, then don’t expect others too either. If you let others treat you badly, you are telling your inner psyche that you do not deserve better. The modern goddess gal never, ever allows herself to accept second best. Rally your personal power and self-respect and learn to say words like “No” and “Enough.” Most importantly, mean what you say! On the other side of the coin, give compliments freely, for if ‘what goes around comes around’ you will soon enjoy receiving plenty in return. SELF EXPRESSION. What you say is what you get. Expressions like, “I’ll never be able to get over this obstacle,” will manifest in exactly the way you describe. Instead of confronting and overcoming your fears, you will remain stagnant, bashing your head against the brick wall you say can’t be knocked down. Change your speech habits to dispel negatives and embrace positives. Say “I can do it,” and next thing you know, you’ll be leaping brick walls in a single bound. SELF REFLECTION. Get over petty issues and open your vision to see the Big Picture. If you are absorbed in trivial worries, they are most likely a distraction mechanism to keep you from what it is you really need. If you had three months left to live, would you really care about your shade of lipstick, upgrading your mobile phone, or getting the best table at the hottest restaurant in town? It’s up to you to prioritize what the important things really are. Make a list of your dreams for the next week, year, and/or decade. Circle one thing on each list and commit to make it happen, one step at a time. SELF KNOWLEDGE. See yourself as a minute organism in the ways of the world, both in the physical and non-physical planes, in the present and the future. Disconnecting with the world every now and then can be healthy if it lets you travel to a spaceless, timeless place of knowledge, wisdom, understanding and spiritual connection. To revitalize flagging energy levels, practice yoga and meditation when possible. Time poor? Take the phone off the hook and power-rest for five minutes – this time-out for self can be just as refreshing.

Divine Light

"When you act from the highest, you will not only feel the delight of such a connection but others will be uplifted in your presence and get a hit of their own Divine light."

I am reading The Abundance Book again (third time) and while meditating on one of the passages today, an understanding about the light of the spirit came to me so deeply that I began to cry. Not out of sadness, but out of understanding. A very dear friend told me many years ago that I "shine". When I would tell him of events that I was at and that I engaged people with my constant stories and joking around, he would always tell me, "Of course they were engaged, you have this shine about you."

Recently I had a reading with an akashic soul reader and saw her again at another event. I bought her book and she signed it for me, saying "You are a great light. Enjoy the journey." Now, I do not mean to imply that I am this wonderful, delightful person (although I really hope that I can be most times!). More that I have finally realized that the light of spirit, of God within or whatever name you want to use (higher power, spirit, etc.)has always resided within each of us. We are all we need in life. Abundance, prosperity, goodness, wholeness, spirit, etc., are all within us to tap into always.

Sometimes we are the last people to know how greatly we shine, how strong our spirits are. So I cried today. I cried for the realization. I cried for the many years I have searched for something, anything, that would make me better, make the pain go away, dissuade the fears that consumed me. I cried for all the relationships that came and went, all of the struggle within those relationships because we are always looking to blame someone else. Now I know that each of us has our baggage, our own fears, wants, desires. And I also know that mine is mine and yours is yours. I do not have to impose my "issues" on you, hoping to alleviate the pain. You are not the cause and you are not the answer.

I cried because knowing what I know now, those relationships didn't have to go away. Then again, maybe they did. Because growth occurred. Growth occurred this morning when I accepted my own bright light. It took many years, but I learned the lesson from that friend, who saw a part of me that I could not. And I thanked my dear friend who no longer is a part of my life. I am very grateful. I hope my light is shining bright enough for them to see and be uplifted and find their own Divine Light.

Stir Krazee these days!

I got the chance last night to introduce two comics at Molly Malone's in Forest Park as part of an event that didn't quite go as planned on Madison Street. The whole idea of Stir Krazee came out of my comedy class with Cameron Esposito from Lincoln Lodge. I took the class last fall and unfortunately I didn't graduate becasue life's stressors at work and home got too great and adding one more stressor of writing a comedy sketch for graduation and then performing it made me one anxious person. Not that I back away from any task because it is too great. I have come to the realization that I CAN say no, not right now, thank you, and come back to it at a later date when life allows it. And I want to enjoy comedy when I do it and not feel stressed about it. I have done every other type of performance - theatre, live music, poetry, and now I wanted to try my hand at stand up comedy. Not getting off track, I invited my teacher to perform last night. I told her I would probably have to introduce her and she told me it would be good to get experience on a microphone! Ha! I spend most of my days "on stage", "performing". I did get the chance to loosen up a bit more during the introduction and "yuck it up" a bit. It made me feel a bit better about doing stand up comedy. I continue to write sketches and I know that when the time is right, I will take that new path onto a different stage. And love it... And then....who knows what will come next. Aging is a pretty cool thing these days. Yes, I am stir krazee in that I want to do so many things yet in my many years on this earthly plain. Call me "krazee". Go ahead. I'll just write a comedy sketch about you.

Green and the Heart Chakra

Valentine's Day is upon us. People usually associate the holiday with the color red. And while red is a color associated with the Heart Chakra, so is green. Green is the color we associate with the Heart Chakra. Remember "green with envy"? When the energy of the heart is out of balance, the color green almost seems to 'harden'. When the heart is in balance the following qualities come out in a person. • Is a very talkative soul. • Open and friendly nature. • They need to feel happy about things rather than own things. • They are very aware of their conscience, so tend to be honest and trustworthy. • Often need to talk about what's bothering them - to try and make sense of it themselves. • Physically express themselves, their emotions and feelings can flow. • Tend to be very quick minded, and are good problem solvers. When the heart chakra is out of balance, a person may have the following behaviors. • May be quite controlling and resistant to change around them. • May lose heart and faith in relationships and situations, becoming very lethargic. • May withdraw from people if they have been out of balance for some time or deeply disillusioned in the past and find it hard to open their heart again and trust. • If they don’t find a strong love connection they can turn to a love for success and wealth instead, seeming to others self centered and mean. Green is often referred to as a healing color, it is also a color of growth and expansion. Because of its' association to Mother Nature it is of course organic and wholesome too. So put on some green for Valentine's Day this year and enjoy!

And another I'd like to bring on this year - love, love, love. Oh, not just this year but always. But if I state it, from now on, say it, say the words, it shall be! Last November, we had a poetry reading at Baubo's Garden (www.baubosgarden.com). It was a sexy reading of love, lust and lingerie! Below is a poem written by one of the poets that nite. I love it and thought it is a "bring it on" poem. Enjoy! And Bring on that Love This Year!!!!! Love, Like Heavy Equipment Speak the language of love using the terms your love understands. You light up my life Not neon bright Fluorescent white No halogen or LEDs tonight More like a Vector™ twin–beam spotlight with the 3-million candlepower of 12V, H3 series halogens powered by two 12V, 6 Amp per hour rechargeable batteries armed with a 3–position power selection switch hands-on or hands–free cord or cordless choose the illumination. You’re hot Not tropical spot sun hot or Thai spicy hot or flaming campfire hot More like a 750,000 BTU Portable Propane Torch whose power jet burners melt ice, incinerate tree stumps with a 100-lb. propane cylinder flame-control trigger valve UL listed gas hose aluminum extender tube and instructions. I feel your power Not triple-A battery power Or solar panel power More like the Dyna™ 20,000 Watt, 35 HP Generator with a 3600 RPM engine producing 83 Amps 120/240 volts at home, on the job and two-year limited warranty. You push my buttons Not dainty satin buttons Or hotline phone buttons More like buttons on a 2.4 Volt, 2–speed cordless screwdriver, Model# 6547–1, 6–position adjustable clutch; 3.5 to 26 in. per pound of torque adjustable for tight spots forward/reverse forward/reverse with battery, charger, bit set and impact–resistant carrying case. We fit together Not just brush-up-against together Not simply puzzle-piece together More like Lovejoy™ Standard Half Couplings that mount your engine to pump with 11.16 horsepower synthetic rubber inserts between the coupling halves one fits the motor one fits the pump shaft 194 inches per pound: the torque’s max. And Baby, you’re always “on.” Emily Thornton Calvo