Saturday, March 31, 2012

Tiny Bubbles...

Ma had few friends. At least, WE never met anyone. Few ever came over to the house to visit. No one ever called her on the phone to chat about their kids.

Oh, there were the couples dinners that happened every now and then. Couples that Ma and Dad met at church. Actually, they were the parents of the children we had made friends with at church. And really, the only reason that they spent time with Ma and Dad was, Dad. He was the fun one. He was the one who could have real conversations. He was the one who was craving real conversation with humans who could converse back with him.

So when Ma announced one night that she planned a Hawaiian cruise with a friend from church, our jaws dropped. There wasn’t a word uttered. How could there be? This was a foreign language she just spoke. We were shocked. And relieved. She would be gone for a week.

So she went. And returned. And never uttered a word about the trip. What did you do? Oh, I don’t know. What did you see? Oh, I don’t remember. But there were pictures. Not of Hawaii. Not of her and her friend having a great time. Only one picture - of her and Don Ho. That was it. That was the extent of her trip. And not a word was uttered about the trip ever again. I asked about her friend and she avoided that subject. She never saw that woman again. And her friend avoided us at church, the whole family. Poof, the one friend Ma had was gone. In an instant.

infamous picture with edits 
And why only a picture of Don Ho and her? That’s all we heard about was him. Dad would never speak of that trip either. Could it be that my mother and Don had a boat fling? Could my mother, Miss Frigid, have opened up her cold heart to Don’s advances? Was she so taken in by this prolific womanizer, Hawaii’s version of Elvis, who was quoted 20-30 years ago saying, “why buy the cow when you can milk it through the fence".

Could it be that her friend and she were two middle-aged women, vying for the attention of this charismatic entertainer; and he chose Ma and thus created the chasm in this short-lived friendship? Ma, always the narcissist, would have easily let a budding friendship go for the more self serving pleasure of the attention of a famous personality.

I try to imagine Don offering her a glass of wine and her giggling like a school girl, straddling a bar stool next to him, his hand on her knee. And her friend, leaving in a huff at midnight, disgusted with Ma’s behavior, or crushed with her own school-girl jealousies. Could it be that Ma actually owned this type of emotion that was let loose on her one-time-only girl’s vacation? Was this the earliest version of Moms Gone Wild?

It’s like some morbid human curiosity, like looking at the accident scene and going, eeew, gross, and staring and then looking away. I am forced to imagine Ma, around the same age as me now, batting her eyelashes after 3 glasses of rose, using coy and innocent body language. And Don is perusing the crowd for his next conquest, eyes falling onto the dark-eyed beautiful brunette at the bar. Maybe her girlfriend is making the same moves; two grown women, undulating on their bar stools, trying to out-undulate each other.

“Oh, Donnie… hoo…..pick me, pick me!!”

And then Don comes sashaying over, with his Hawaiian Elvis moves, crooning about pineapples and mangoes and bubbles, and offers his hand to each of these women, who then join him on the stage, drunk dancing and prancing about the stage, each flaunting their wares like unabashed street vendors.

Maybe after the set is over, Don disappears with Ma to some discreet dark corner of the ship and her friend is left behind to make her way back to their room, waiting up for hours, fuming, waiting for Ma to return in the wee hours of the morning, cheeks flushed and grinning from ear to ear.

Ma returns home with only a picture, her memories, and her one and only friend gone. And has no explanation of what went on during her excursion, only that she is different now and Dad notices, big time. It is a perfect coincidence, though, that Ma falls for another man named Don, the same as her husband. In the throes of passion, she can scream out “Don!” and no one would be the wiser. Except it would drive Dad nuts because he never knew if it was him or not. No wonder he drank.

Don Ho was mentioned often in our house after that. Tiny bubbles, in your wine, makes ya happy, makes ya feel fine.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Finding Yourself in These Chaotic Times!

There are many faces modern women present to the world. We are the working professional, partner, lover, mother, caretaker, friend. No matter what the situation, women need to draw on a wide range of resources to keep it all together. It is said and written that tapping into goddess energy is one way to ensure you get through each day with your integrity intact.

I know, what the heck does that mean?  We hear it all the time lately.  Find your inner goddess and all will be right in your world.  Right….  So who is this goddess?  Is she pretty?  Strong?  Alluring? What qualities does she have that I might want to “tap into?”  Are we not goddesses already?

According to, "being goddess is being able to recognize within one's self the things that are important, and then to strike the single note that brings them into alignment with everything else that exists." That is, by channeling the strengths of the real "You" so that the true You shines through with honesty and dignity, your goddess energy radiates a confidence, beauty and inspiration to those around you.

Creation by Her Gaia, by Sandra M. Stanton
I like to look at historical and mythological goddesses and their attributes to see how they might correlate to my life.  This month we look at Gaia.  In Greek mythology, Gaia (Ge) was the primal goddess personifying the earth. She was the Protogenos (primeval divinity) of earth, one of the primal elements who first emerged at the dawn of creation, along with air, sea and sky. She was the great mother of all : the heavenly gods were descended from her union with Ouranos (the sky), the sea-gods from her union with Pontos (the sea), the Gigantes from her mating with Tartaros (the hell-pit) and mortal creatures were sprung or born from her earthy flesh. Gaia was born out of chaos, and out of that turmoil, the world was created.  How wonderful!
She was "born" of Chaos, but this was not really a birth; as Chaos receded, Gaia came into being.  She birthed hundreds of children. Gaia was the first deity, from whom all others sprang.

Let’s look at chaos. When systems can no longer function, creating instability, a breakdown occurs.  There is talk all everywhere these days about the end of the world in 2012.  Is it the end of the world or the end of the world as we know it?
Have you felt an increasing instability in your life, a discomfort, a feeling that you can’t quite put your finger on?  It’s just enough agitation to make you uncomfortable, antsy.  I have felt this in the past and came to learn that if you sit with the discomfort, let it play itself out, comfort will come again.  Are you feeling ‘tapped out’ lately?  I know I am feeling this, as well as wondering what I am doing, why I am doing it and is it really what I want to do!
Could we all be in transition in our own lives?  I recently made a huge change and then a few months after that, another huge change was dropped in my lap.  I am not surprised at all.  It’s as if the world as we know it right now has been tossed up into the air and the pieces have not fallen back down to ground yet.  Where they will land and how they will land have yet to be determined. Can we guide where we will land after this year is over?

Some people fall apart when the status quo is upended, when disharmony occurs.  Denial used to be the best way to handle this discomfort.  I have a friend who told me he “shelves” uncomfortable feelings, relationships, never to return to them.  Of course, we know they all return to tap us on the shoulder, saying “remember me?”

It’s time to develop a new mind-set. According to Ervin Laszlo, author of Chaos Point, we are at a critical juncture in history, a "decision-window" where we face the danger of global collapse—or the opportunity for global renewal.  He says there are two types of growth possible – extensive growth and intensive growth. Extensive growth conquers, dominates, colonizes, consumes, and is unsustainable. Intensive growth develops individuals, communities and ecologies; it connects and communicates, develops consciousness and produces sustainability.

Laszlo’s term for the coming transition, in which we must develop a new mind-set, or worldview and a new structure for society, is Logos-Holos:  logos, meaning word of God or the current principal governing the cosmos; and holos, meaning the whole.

I say, change is a-comin’.  It is inevitable.  We must evolve to survive.  What does that mean to you?  For me evolution of consciousness is the key – I have to start thinking in new ways because the old ways of doing and thinking don’t seem to be working anymore.  The time for bandaging problems is over.  Time to look at the whole issue and fix it once and for all.  I have been meditating much more and trying to work more yoga into my daily routine.  What do you do to calm yourself, get back to homeostasis? 

Prayer, walks in the woods, gardening, dance – whatever it is that brings us back into balance is what we all should be seeking.   Through all of this irritation, Gaia, Mother Earth, is creating a pearl.  Anticipating...beautiful.

"The road to happiness lies in two simple principles: find what it is that interests you and that you can do well, and when you find it put your whole soul into it - every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have.”
John D. Rockefeller III